Thursday, July 21, 2011

Let Your Negative Emotion Save You, Not Enslave You

Got this from Adam Khoo's newsletter.

As human beings, all of us possess tremendous potential. We just do
not make full use of our immense capabilities. Everybody has theability to develop successful relationships, build a successfulbusiness, become the best in their field, make a million dollarsetc... All it takes is learning the right strategies and takingmassive action.
So, what stops most people from taking action and using their full
potential? Whenever I ask this question, the same reasons seem to
come up. Many people will admit that what stops them from taking
action is 'fear', 'uncertainty', 'doubt', 'depression',
'frustration', 'anger', 'laziness' or 'feelings of helplessness'.
Many salespeople don't succeed because they have the fear ofgetting rejected. Many people who have the desire to start abusiness never do so because of their self-doubt and fear offailure. Many people who experience adversity do not take thenecessary actions to turn their life around because they feel too
depressed or frustrated. In other words, NEGATIVE EMOTIONS are the
main reason why people do not take action and realize their full
BUT Negative Emotions Serve a Positive Purpose. They are Signals that
We Need to Change Something.
So, if negative emotions are so 'bad', why do we have them? Why dothey exist? ! I believe that our creator did not give us negativeemotions to limit us or to punish us. In fact, negative emotionsserve a positive purpose. They are signals that tell us that weneed to change something. They are giving us the message that weneed to either change our perceptions or our actions!
The Positive Message of Fear
Throughout our lives, our minds will create the emotion of fearwhenever we face something new or challenging. The salespersonexperiences the fear of being rejected. The presenter experiencesfear before going on stage. So, why does our mind create this
feeling of fear? Fear is an emotion that signals to us that we need
to 'get better prepared'. This feeling is giving us a message that
in order to deal with the challenge ahead, we need to gain moreknowledge, skills and resources to succeed. That is a usefulmessage, isn't it?Many people are surprised to know that I still feel fear before Igo on stage to give a talk, despite having been a professionalspeaker for the last 15 years.In fact, 3-4 days before any speaking engagement, I start feelingthe fear that hundreds of people will be listening to me andjudging me. I have the fear that I may not live up to theirexpectations. This fear signals to me that I have to get prepared.It motives me to plan way ahead. I spend hours doing research on mytopic, writing a powerful speech and crafting my slides. This feardrives me to rehearse my speech in my mind over and over againuntil I know exactly what to say, how to say it and when to say it.The moment I am fully prepared to give my absolute best, my fear isat a minimal. I have made use of my fear to help me constantlydeliver my best each and every time. I can imagine that if I had nofear, I would not have bothered to have prepared so hard and wouldprobably have given a lousy speech.
So, it is perfectly normal to feel fear. Everybody gets scared,
both ordinary and extraordinary people. The difference lies in howthey deal with it. Unfortunately, most people allow their fears tolimit them from taking action. They get the fear of public speakingso they avoid it completely. They will never dare to speak inpublic.
Frustration Signals to Us that We Have to Change Our Strategy
Another common negative emotion that many of us may experience is
'frustration'. Frustration is an emotion we feel when we are not
able to get the result we want despite repeated attempts. Mostpeople allow the feeling of frustration to overwhelm them so muchthat they get angry and quit ever attempting it again. Haven't youbeen so frustrated at something or someone and said to yourself,'whatever!', threw your hands up in surrender and walk off?
Once again, Frustration is there to give us a message. It serves a
useful purpose. When we feel frustrated, the signal is telling usthat we have to change our strategy. We have to do somethingdifferent, to get the results we want. One of my students is aninsurance advisor (specializing in corporate insurance) that wasgetting so frustrated with her job that she felt like quittingafter three months. She was getting frustrated that despite makinghundreds of calls to prospects, she couldn't even secure anappointment. She kept getting rejection after rejection.When she attended my 'Patterns of Excellence' programme, I told herthat as long as she did not listen to the message of herfrustration, she would never reach her sales targets. Herfrustration was a clear signal that she had to change her strategyin the way she engaged her prospects.Upon reflection, she realized that whenever she said that she wasoffering 'corporate insurance evaluation', people closed theirminds and immediately said that they weren't interested. Shedecided to use a different strategy. She would call her prospects
(bosses of companies) and say, 'I am a corporate strategy advisor.
Do you have the intention to list your company on the stock
exchange?' That statement immediately got their attention.
If their answer was no, she would say, 'do you realize that ifsomething happens to you, the shares you own in your company maybecome worthless? Your loved ones may not be able to sell theshares to extract its value. Could you spare a few minutes to learnhow to assign a market value to your company so that it can be
easily sold in the future?' By using this unique approach, her
appointment rate shot up and she increased her sales by 400% in
just 6 months.
So, you can see that 'negative emotions' like fear, frustration,anger, depression and disappointment are not really bad at all.They can really help us to become much more successful. We justhave to ensure that they serve us and not immobilize us from takingaction. So, whenever you experience a negative emotion, listen tothe message and act on it. And once you have heard the message,breakout of the negative emotion so you no longer feel bad aboutit.

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